Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
