Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Randomize
