I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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