i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
