It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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