He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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