I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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