I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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