rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
