I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
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