feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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