Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
