New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
