I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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