This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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