My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
