at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
