And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
