I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
