I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
When are your genitals available?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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