I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Randomize
