For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
