I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
this hospital has no fireball
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
