the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
operation have a gay friend backfired
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
