Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
