I wanna bring you to show and tell
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
