were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
