So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
