Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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