I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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