So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
