Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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