Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
