uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize
