so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
accomplished twins. life is a go
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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