oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
