So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
