Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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