I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
