omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
