i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
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