I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
