it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
