You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
