I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Randomize
