this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
