11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
