I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
