In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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