Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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