Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
