I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
