He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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