we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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