I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
