Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
