Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
